Tuesday, November 9, 2010


We have previously discussed Carlton Archibald Toupee (CAT). This particular lost boy has caused some serious grief in my life.

I had decided after the whole marching band competition, that I would simply let him be my friend. It was nice to have someone to talk to sometimes, so I kept him around but at a distance.

I hadn’t seen him much over the rest of that fall season, nor into the winter. When I got back from Christmas vacation, he could sense my return to Utah Valley. He texted me and asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie at his new place. I was hanging out with my brother at the time and one of his girl friends, so I said I could if they could come to. He was fine with that situation, but I could sense his displeasure through his words. When we arrived to his house, I chose the couch that was in the weird orientation to the TV, hoping he would return to his spot on the “good” couch. He didn’t. He plastered himself right next to me. My brother laughed a little at the swift move.

As the movie started (“Better off Dead”), I moved a little away from CAT, and he leaned in closer. I’d take a scoot and he’d slide over. My brother and his friend were laughing so hard at me. But poor CAT didn’t get it.

Then…check this… He decided he would like to touch me. Possibly attempt an arm around me? So how did he execute this desire? Oh… he decided to stick his arm into the crack between the back cushions and the seat cushions. His hand then reappeared on the small of my back. Then the grazing started. He continued to graze my back with his finger tips for about 10 minutes. All I could think was, “Just don’t move! If you don’t move, maybe he’ll go away!” Eventually that lovely moment ended.

But he didn’t stop there.

I started to fall asleep, so I leaned away from him, put my elbow into the couch, leaned my head on my hand, and closed my eyes.

Meanwhile, my extra hand that was nearest to him was half way in my front pocket. Only my pinky and ring finger remained exposed.

I drifted off for a few moments until I was awakened by a creeping on my hand.

There his hand was… stroking my pinky and ring finger that were open to the elements.

I ignored it, because who would continue that behavior if there was no response back.

My eyes remained close. Surely he knew I was asleep.

Oh no no.

And then he pounced.

His hand grabbed onto my little helpless fingers. There he held for many a minute. Again I just kept thinking, “Don’t move!” It had worked before, right?

He just kept holding on. With about 5 minutes of the movie to go, he finally realized I hadn’t moved… and assumed I wasn’t interested.

I was sleeping!!! Weird.

Left his house feeling so dumb and very bad. Poor kid just didn’t get it.

So I texted him and asked him if he would come over the next morning so that I could talk to him.

He came over bright and early. I proceeded to explain to him that I was sleeping when he initially grabbed my little fingers. (He wasn’t weirded out by this at all.)

Then I did it. I had the DTR (Define the relationship)

I said, “Carlton, you are a really great friend and I just want to keep it that way.”

He was so very confused. No matter what angle I came from in order to try not to out right say, “Carlton, you are creeping me out, I don’t want you to touch me and I am not going t date you!”, he just didn’t get it.

He kept saying, “I am a little confused. I feel like you are skating around the issue here.”

Really now?? How dense can you get?

So I stopped and took some deep breaths. “Carlton. We are just friends and that is all we are ever going to be.”

He said ok and then had to leave for work. I felt like he FINALLY got it. That’s what I felt.

Oh boy was I wrong….

To be continued…


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