Work for it.

(This post was originally started in February of 2011.)

This Wendy hat
The irony of my life- I am surrounded by lost boys and pirates (dangerous lost boys). They seem to just flock to me and I can't beat them away with stick. (Mostly because my eyes do that sparkling thing and my smile engrosses my entire head). I  DON'T WANT YOU, YOU LOST BOYS! (I am throwing a huge foot stomping tantrum).
 There... I said it! I don't want the douchebag, the jerk, or the social reject.
I want the nice guy! The one that makes you feel like you are a better person just because he sent you a text that day. Don't even get me started about how uplifted you feel when you are actually with him and having a conversation.

EVERYONE I have ever met, has brought me down. Even the slightest degree. Well maybe not EVERYONE and down - but never uplifted.

However, there is that person that makes you want to be perfect, because he is perfect.
Obviously, no one is really perfect. But it is a rarity for me to not see fault in a boy. I have ways of sniffing out the skeletons from boys' closets.

So I have seen this infamous perfect creature hidden  in this creep filled world. It is almost like seeing a unicorn slide down a rainbow.

Here's the issue... I am not used to actually having to work for a relationship that I want. Well... I haven't really even wanted a relationship until this point. I am at the cross roads. I am graduating from college, and now it is time for me to start a grown up life.
I have know the perfection "subject" for only a small amount of time.






Super funny.... but I actually married this perfect subject almost a year ago.   It is a long story all on its own... But I will write how this Wendy Bird stopped flying away and found her Man.  

Vomit your life issues all over me

Sometimes I accept the fact that I am a Wendy.

I had been working for a company as a little greeter once a week. This is what my "role" entailed:
I had to get myself all lookin' spicy, and go but the particular soda flavors "the  boss" wanted.  I showed up to large building's small lobby and waited for my absolute jerk of a boss to show up. Then he would walk me through exxactly what he wanted me to say and do.
As young guys walked into the lobby, I was to greet them with " Hi, I am Cara, are you here for Waste your Life Industries ( name changed) ? Great and what is your name? ( at this point I had to check off the name from the list) Then I was to  push the elevator button, instruct them to Go to the 11th floor, exit  the elevator, turn to the right and then there would be someone up there to take them the rest of the way. At that point I had to push the 11th floor button for them and tell them to have a great night.  All with grace, a large perfect smile, and a little bit of flirtation.

Anyways, At this stupid recuruitment meeting for pest control / security sales, There was a guy who was to be the "Special Guest Speaker" we  will call him GUY 
He was very nice and always treated me with a little respect, which is what I definitely was not getting from "the boss (whom I had previously gone out with a few times in the past)". I didn't know much about him.... but I would later find out much much more.

At the casino:  I was out of town with my sister  helping her with a photo shoot in Vegas. We had gone to a casino for dinner. While there I got a facebook friend request.. Which made it much better to stalk him.
There were a lot of pictures of him with some kids. Nieces and nephew???? 


The message:
The following week I went through the whol routine and quickly took off when I was done. I got paid like $20 a night to stand there.... But I didn't ever want to be there over 2 hours.
Soon after I left I got this lovely note in my facebook messages: 
Whats up! :)

Hey I wanted to talk to u after the presentation but u had already taken off. I wanted to see if you'd like to go out and do something tonight (see a movie, get some ice-cream or hot chocolate, etc...). Hopefully you get this message in the next little bit. Call or text me at 555-5555

The night:  He was kinda an attractive guy... and I was always open for saying yes to dates with older guys... They have money :)..... USUALLY :(

So I did  tell him he could come over and we would see.  Well this was a great decision on my part.
He was there a very long time.
My best girl friend was my roommate and luckly pretty much had my back that night.
Our conversation included these topics:
He was 36
Just recently devorced.
3 kids --- he loved his kids
Porn addition
Pain killer addiction
Depression
Suicide
Lives with his parents
His Ex- wife was planning on getting remarried already
I was 21.


He just kept talking and talking and talking. I listened. I knew that this was not going anywhere with him. But  more so, I could tell that he just needed a friend. Someone to listen to him.
Around midnight,  my girl told me she needed to go to the store.  GUY asked if he could come along. We say ok... if he drove. 
When we got back, he convinced the two of us to buy gym memebrships from him. Pretty soon after that, I finally conviced him to leave.  Wheww
Night number 2 
The following week I believe, he came back. We reviewed most of this guys issues that he had previously vomited all over my lap.
The highlight of that night however, was him showing me all sorts of videos of draining cycts. That stuff is nasty.  
I could tell that all of my older roommates were getting really sick of him and wanted him to go.
My apartment had a midnight curfew for boys during the week, so one of my roommates decided to tell him that he needed to go and point out that I was breaking curfew. I thanked her for her help wince I really couldn't get him out of there. She was still ticked off at me though.  Most of my roommates thought I was a little bit of a tramp....
 I actually wore make up and went out on a lot of dates, OK?!?!

Well after he left I got this message: Sorry about tonight

Please tell your room mates that I'm sorry. I had no idea about a BYU housing curfew nor did I even realize what time it was. In all honesty my biggest apology should go to you. I'm sure that you were relieved beyond measure that she spoke up when she did so that I would leave. By not planning anything for our date tonight I'm sure it came across as a lack of caring or interest. The sad reality is that I'm a self-admitted social misfit right now. Cara you definitely have a talent in that you just make people around you feel comfortable regardless of who they are or the situation. You are easy to talk to and seemed genuinely interested in whatever I was blathering on about when, let's be honest, you'd have probably rather stuck a knife in your leg. I am carrying a lot of baggage and have self confidence that's been shot to pieces because of everything that I've gone through recently and tonight I took advantage of your good nature. I was awful, inconsiderate, boring company. For this, I'm sorry. I guess that deep down I haven't fully come to terms with the reality of where my life is, and that notion was manifested in full force tonight. The truth is, however, that I really enjoy your company. You are fun, attractive, smart, and a plethora of other positive adjectives. In reality I can be a lot of fun too, even though tonight's events would indicate the complete opposite. I would completely understand if you didn't ever want to go out again (not that what we did tonight could ever be considered as "going out"). I'm not looking to start up or pursue any sort of relationship. Even if I was, I'd be the first to advise you to steer clear of the mangled train wreck that represents me and my life. You have much better options out there as you indeed know. In spite of all of this, you have extended to me your hand in friendship and taken the time to get to know me. Last week when we spent all night talking, I had just come out of the worst few days of my entire life. Without really even knowing me, you displayed true kindness and lent me your ears in a time that I just needed someone to listen. I can't adequately thank you for this. I would like to make tonight up to you and take you on a proper date like you deserve. Something that has been planned and requires effort. I desperately need to surround myself with good friends and I would love for you to be one of them. I've painted a pretty clear picture of all my negative qualities, revealing more than you probably wanted to know. I can say however that I am a good and loyal friend that can be depended on. That is about all I'm really good for at this moment.
I hope you have a good weekend and I'm sorry that because of me it got off to a bad start. If you would like to go to dinner and a movie sometime in the next couple weeks I would love to take you. If not, I completely understand.
I hope to hear back from you.
 -------

Kinda heavy huh?? Well I thanked him  for his kind words and told him we could be friends.
I think that I actually didn't end up working for that guy there anymore. We ended up only speaking a few times, and never "went out" again.
I learned something though. I am a Wendy. Sometimes that is a gift.Sometimes people do just need an ear. And it is ok to listen and be that. I learned to set up new boudaries. I knew I couldn't really go out with this guy. So I never did. But I could be he friend from a distance for a little while. And THAT I was.
I think I helped him. I think I showed him  a little light. And THAT is what is great about being a  Wendy.

An Old Dream... I am so weird

I had a very interesting dream the other night.  2/11/11 -- old - never published

This is how it went:

My sister Alyssa and I were out and about somewhere, when all f a sudden we get pushed on this very small and ancient charter bus. This was no ordinary charter bus. It was filled with the elderly.
There were no more seats on the bus so I took a standing position against a window. (I think this appeared in my dream because I had to stand against the wall at the social security office for an hour that day.)
It was raining something nasty as we were paraded onto the bus. I kept looking down at my phone to see what time is was (I had to be back at school by 1) It was 12. We had time.
The rain stopped and the driver of this bus was taking some sharp turns.
As we turned a corner, one of the old ladies yells "There are people behind us, watch out". I turned to see who was behind us.






A geriatric bicycle gang. These were absolutely the oldest people on the planet. Then men were wearing shorts, and everyone had on little sun hats (male/female versions)

Then she yells out out the back window, "Watch out for the puddles! There are bees in there!" She seemed very concerned about her geriatric comrades.
However, the bike gang members hissed at me through the window. 

We then pulled up into a very ritzy neighborhood.  Apparently the elderly like to take walks and look at really expensive homes.
 As we pulled up to the first house on the stop, and piled out of the bus, I recognized the house. I had seen it in a magazine.
Then it all clicked.
This house was famous because the girl that owned it was a millionaire made by babysitting.
I scanned the rest of the neighborhood and then recollected the article.
She lived in a millionaire singles neighborhood.(A kind of millionaires club -if you have seen "The Millionaire Matchmaker").
This neighborhood was special. The homeowners association of that 'hood want everyone to know who lived where.

How was this achieved?
Every house had a giant,framed  picture of the resident hung above the front door. Oh yes.

Let me describe our little babysitting millionaire house.
A large town  house sized brick house. There was a white picket face surrounding the little property. From the fence hung sparkly, bedazzled jewels.

Bahaa---- so this was a dream I decided to write down in February of 2011. I don't really remember where I was going with this... but it sure is funny.