Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Eyes Up Here

Meet Marvin Marshalls. Marvin Marshalls is another boy whose eye I got caught in at church. (Yes I do know that the saying is “whose eye I caught”, but that is not what actually happened.)
It all started out because I was nice. Marvin Marshalls had come to visit a friend at our singles group at church. We also happened to have a dinner after church that day. In the line for food, I struck up a small, polite conversation. I asked him his name, if he was new, where he was from. You know… all the same old questions.  He had just returned from a 2 year church mission from India, and was definitely still socially stunted. However, he conversed with me with great energy and excitement! I ended the conversation with a smile and an eye twinkle (my signature).
            I sat down with my best girl friend to eat. Marvin Marshalls sat down with his guy friend. About 5 minutes later, he got up, brought his plate, and sat down next to me. I knew at that moment that I had just gotten myself into a little bit of a predicament. I still continued to smile and be nice throughout the meal, even though he decided to stare at me when he thought I wasn’t looking.
            Exactly one month later, he showed back up at church on the Sunday dinner day. When he saw me, he decided he wanted to give me a hug. I don’t think that he had hugged a girl in way over two years, because the hug felt more like a truck hit me. A was probably a hundred pounds heavier than me and 6 or more inches taller than me, so when he chest ran into me at a more than casual walking speed and his arms flailed and slammed me in the back, I did not feel very good afterwords.
            I replied to his hug with an “Oh wow that was aggressive”. It popped out of my mouth like word vomit, but he just blushed and said that it had been awhile since he’d hugged a girl. To recover from my lack of tact, I said, “Yeah, that’s one of those things you have to get more practice in once it has been awhile.” I don’t think I recovered well.
            He proceeded to follow me around the building, to my table and to watch me eat for the rest of that evening.  Just as I was getting up to go home and make my escape, he quickly stood up in front of me. SIDE NOTE: A member of the church was sponsoring a BBQ date night for everyone a month in the future.
He stumbled through his words, “So Cara, are you going to the BBQ?”
I replied, “Umm, well, no I am not.”
Marvin: “Well are you opposed to uh going to it? Or are you like busy, is that why you aren’t going?”
Me: “No…Marvin, are you trying to ask me if I would like to go to it? Are you trying to ask me on a date?”
Marvin: “Umm yeah. Would you like to go to the BBQ with me?”
Me: “Yeah Marvin, I would like to go with you. You definitely asked far enough in advance, so I should be able to make that work.”
(It is really hard to convey, but this whole dialogue was really awkward. I should have probably said no, but my mother always said that I needed to say yes to a first date. “Always give someone a chance”. Also, there were about 15 people who were very aware that he was trying to ask me on a date. The room was silent and 30 eyes were on us. Very uncomfortable.)
Throughout the rest of the month as we anxiously a waited the night of this glorious date, his friends teased me about going out with him (great friends huh?) and I continued to receive truck hugs in the hallways of church.
            The night finally arrived! He picked me up for the date in his little sister’s car very early. He started driving and asked me where the date was to be held. I had never been there and I had told him that several times before. He failed to get directions even though I told him to do so previously. I started out this date in an annoyed state. We drove to his friend’s house and found a couple that was also on their way to the date and we followed them.
            I was so feeling that I did not want to be with him any longer. One reason was because I had a very big midterm the next day, which I was not yet prepared to take.  (I would use this to my advantage later however.)
Luckily, my girl friends showed up to the house a few minutes after we did. However, while I waited, I was faced with a situation I had never before been in, or at least I had never before noticed.
            Marvin Marshalls was staring at my chest. I was modestly dressed, but felt like I needed to pull my tank top up to become a turtleneck. This is the first time in my life that I felt like an object or a piece of meat. I am sure that a guy has looked, but this guy was having a conversation with my cleavage.  I was sitting higher than him, so in order to bring our eyes on the same plane, I moved from the arm of the couch down to the seat.  It didn’t help.
I tried very hard to not get even more upset with this individual and to make anyone else uncomfortable. I made it through the dinner and through the game in a stellar fashion.
However, during some mingling, my best friend leaned over and whispered in my ear that Sammity Spamitty was staring at my chest the entire night. With wide eyes I turned to find, that yes, indeed, he was staring. I got a little upset and told her that Marvin Marshalls had also been staring. I asked her if my shirt was a lot lower than I perceived it. She said that I was totally fine.
Well Grrrrr!!! Stop staring at me!!
Meanwhile during conversation, I found out that this was Marvin Marshalls first date. Not his first date since being back from India…his first date EVER. He was 22 years old. This explained the weird comments, the painful hugs and icky looks. But I mean really, that is just ridiculous. TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD… you should have at least gone to a school dance or an ice cream date in high school. This behavior is just unacceptable. When I have kids, they will be required to go on dates so that they can become socialized.
Everyone else seemed to be dispersing from the house, but Marvin Marshalls was lingering. He asked if I wanted to go do something else fun. This is where my test came in handy. I had previously mentioned that I had a test in the morning, so when he asked if I wanted to go out and do something more, I was able to say, “Oh you know, I really need to go home and study a bit and get to bed earlier since I have that big midterm SOOOO early.”
Luckily, he said he understood. And I got to go home. At the door, I gave him a side hug, since my ribs were bruised from our greeting.
Future lost boys… Eyes up here please! 
.... I am sick of hearing: " You have perfect teeth and breasts.", "You have the biggest boobs ever." "Your husband will be a lucky man". "Did you know your tits are huge?" 
Yeah... I know. So please, eyes up here. I am not meat.


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