So here it is:
Just now I conquered my biggest fear. I told a boy that I wasn't interested.
Everyone always says that being up front and honest is the very best option! You don't waste his time(or money), and you definitely don't waste any of your precious time.
This is how it went down. This was a long process for me... but the words finally came.
Oh those words! They seem so simple, but letting them escape my lips seemed to feel like a strong flu-bug. I would rather just flee the state than say a few words.
So it all started innocent enough. There was a Monday night church activity at my house where several people showed up. I was not feeling very social at the moment, so I retreated to the dinning room to work on a blog post I had started, and to complete some nightly scheduled studying.
One young man approached me and started to ask me questions like: Are you new? What are you doing? Are you active in church? I explained to him I had lived in this house for like 6 months or more and that I was very active in church, and that I was blogging.
He wrote my blog address down from over my shoulder.
He showed up at my house the following Friday with hot chocolate mix at 11:30 at night. I was busy studying and writing a lesson that I had to teach on that Sunday. Also... I don't drink sugar. That was difficult to explain to him. He then asked if we could do ice cream or something. Umm... Duh... No sugar.
He was a good listener.
I finally got him to exit my home. It wasn't very easy. My roommates also gave me funny looks that said, "What is this random guy from church doing here watching Cara study? RANDOM!"
It really was random.
He proceeded to call me at about 7 o'clock the next day. He said to me, "So if someone could get tickets to Peter Pan tonight, would you go?"
I said," Are you trying to tell me that you somehow got sold out tickets and you are inviting me to go with you?"
He replied with a resounding,"Yeah".
The night previous, we had discussed my love of the musical Peter Pan, and that I was super bummed that the tickets had all been sold out for the last show that would be the next day.
So of course I would not turn down these miracle tickets, and an opportunity to see my favorite characters on stage.
He quickly showed up at my house, and we jumped over people in the dark to get to our seats just as the show started at 7:30.
The show was great! My face hurt from smiling the entire time.
I am a very nosey soul, so I just HAD to know how he got the tickets. I finally peer pressured the kid to spill the deets (details).
He explained that he held a little piece of paper that said " Need 2 tickets" in front of the door of the theater a half hour before the show started. A nice man had 2 extras and gave him them.
Well THAT was pretty dang sweet. What a nice kid right?
The next Monday, he texted me in class and asked if I and a friend would like to go to a basketball game that he had a bunch of tickets to. I really wanted to say no.
But I just couldn't. That ultra sick feeling came over me when I thought of turning him down and then having to see him at church again.
My thought process was this: " Ok Cara, go with him, bring a friend, and then the next time he asks you out, you can say that you gave it a shot, but you really just aren't in to him."
Marina agreed to join in the event.
Let's back up for a little detail... When he introduced himself to me originally, he introduced himself as his last name. He had a last name that was also a first name. This left me so very confused. I had to ask people what his name was. Everyone told me his real first name. I still to this day do not know why he kept referring to himself by only his last name.
Let's refer to him here as Last Name Guy.
Last Name Guy showed up to my house to pick Marina and I up for the basketball game. He was late. That was annoying.
We jump in the car, where I assumed there would be another guy. There was not. Then we drove straight to the game. No other guy showed up.
So I asked him, "Didn't you say you had 4 tickets and that a friend was coming?"
He said that they didn't end up getting a 4th ticket.
We were on a Polyga-date!! Precious!
But thank goodness for Marina! She makes life better.
He escorted us to the wrong seats, and we were then promptly asked to move to our really bad seats.
We just moved a little further away... not to our assigned seats. I do not like breaking rules, so this made me feel really awkward.
As the game went on awkward got even more awkward.
First of all, the league we were watching was way worse than even a high school varsity team. Therefore my interest was not peaked to watch the game like at all.
Then he put his arm around me. Yes, Marina was still sitting there next to us. She turned and looked at my with big eyes. Her eyes were making fun of me. How rude!
The next part was really great. He started saying things in Russian to Marina that his friend had taught him one time.
Marina wouldn't even translate those choice phrases in front of him because they were so very crude. When he left to go to the bathroom and get some sugary treat, she then whispered to me what he was saying.
They were pretty awful. They didn't really make sense though. It was just 2 dirty words thrown together. You would never actually call someone that.
When he sat back down I gave him a disappointed look. He then kept saying more Russian phrases that do not need to be discussed. We told him there were inappropriate, but he kept saying them.
It was almost sing-songy, like if he were a 5 year old running around the play ground singing a new bad word that an older kid had just told him.
I laughed at the fact that he didn't notice that it was even a little bit inappropriate to do that in front of 2 ladies. Oh my life is sweet!
When we got back to our house, Marina ran into the house a said, "Well I'll just leave you two alone!"
Little brat! Leaving me trapped on the porch. I just thanked him for the invite and retreated however.
This is a good part!
The next day he called Marina. She didn't answer, but he left her a message to please call him back.
Oh Sweet Mercy!
She called him back later that night while I cooked dinner. She went downstairs so that I could not hear any of the conversation.
He was all, "Hey sister, I just want your help with some stuff. Tell me more about Cara. I read her blog and I just don't get her. Tell me what she's into, what kind of guys she does want. How can I get her to date me. Tell me everything about her."
Yeah- creeper town.
Marina is a pretty dang good friend. She told him that I was waaaaay too busy to get involved with anyone. I really just didn't have time for him. Also, she informed him that I was still kind of into someone else. (Which was very true, and I wasn't even mad at her for saying that) This is where she went wrong though- She told him to just be my friend. If something fun was going on, then he should invite me and if I had time, I would go.
Marina, Marina, Marina, thanks for digging me a little hole!
Well... needless to say, the invitations began. Every single night he was inviting me to some activity or another. I really was way too busy.
I just informed him over, and over, and over again that I was just way too busy and that I seriously could not go out for the rest of the month. You see... I was studying for my dental hygiene board exams. I was maxing out studying every single night. I was not going to make room for this kid and his friends. For some reason, he just did not understand my predicament.
A few weeks later, he invited me to a sports documentary in the city. I said that I might be able to go. I was quite late for an appointment, so I had to scamper off the phone as quickly as possible.
I called and cancelled 2 days later. I just really couldn't tell him I wasn't interested! I know... I am a pretty awful human.
Two days after that, he invited me to a BYU basketball game. It was the last home game of the season, and I had not seen Jimmer Fredette in action yet. ( I, like every other Mormon young lady, had a little secret crush on the poor, talented basketball player.)
Naturally, I said I could go.
A couple days later, he asked if I was still up for going to the rugby game. Say whataat? I did not agree to go and watch rugby. I agreed to go watch Jimmer.
My sister had also asked me in a panic to be her model for a photo shoot that day.
I was torn.
What should I do???? :
1.Tell him I am not interested and please stop calling?
2. Say I am busy -Again?
3. Tell him I just need to go model?
4. Just go and pretend to have a fun time and sparkle away?
Well this is what went down-
I had decided that I just really did not want to force myself to smile through another date with Last Name Guy.
I would call him and tell him that I couldn't and wouldn't be going out with him again.
I started out not being as direct as I should have been.
I explained to him- I am moving away. I do not think that it is fair for you to invest anything in me and then not get any return on your investment.
He gave me a - "Dugh, I don't get it".
I explained to him a little more clearly- I do not think it is a good idea for either of us if we go out anymore.
He gave me a "Well, you can still come to the game."
I explained AGAIN- No, no, Last Name Guy, I can't go to the game with you. I am really just not interested in going out with you anymore. You're really nice, but this isn't going anywhere.
He then erupted in anger. He told me that I pretty much sucked and led him on, and that it was really stupid of me to turn him down. WE WERE BEING FRIENDS!
Oh my, my my. I was told that by being honest and telling a guy the truth that you just aren't interested, it was the best option. Last Name Guy just exploded at me for being honest.
But I do not care. I am the Champion! I conquered my biggest fear. It was a rough road, but I kicked that motha's trash. Oh yes.
This is a brilliant road I just stepped out on.
Look out Lost Boys! You are about to get turned down. (In a very polite and respectful manner.)