Good News

So there are so many stories to be  told, but I have some news. I am pretty sure I am done with the Lost Boys. I think I am in the final chapter of my book. Stay tuned to find out who he is.

Come off Conquerer...

So here it is:
Just now I conquered my biggest fear. I told a boy that I wasn't interested.
Everyone always says that being up front and honest is the very best option! You don't waste his time(or money), and you definitely don't waste any of your precious time.
This is how it went down. This was a long process for me... but the words finally came.
Oh those words! They seem so simple, but letting them escape my lips seemed to feel like a strong flu-bug. I would rather just flee the state than say a few words.

So it all started innocent enough. There was a Monday night church activity at my house where several people showed up. I was not feeling very social at the moment, so I retreated to the dinning room to work on a blog post I had started, and to complete some nightly scheduled studying.
One young man approached me and started to ask me questions like: Are you new? What are you doing? Are you active in church? I explained to him I had lived in this house for like 6 months or more and that I was very active in church, and that I was blogging.
He wrote my blog address down from over my shoulder.
He showed up at my house the following Friday with hot chocolate mix at 11:30 at night. I was busy studying and writing a lesson that I had to teach on that Sunday. Also... I don't drink sugar. That was difficult to explain to him. He then asked if we could do ice cream or something.  Umm... Duh... No sugar.
He was a good listener.
I finally got him to exit my home. It wasn't very easy. My roommates also gave me funny looks that said, "What is this random guy from church doing here watching Cara study? RANDOM!"
It really was random.
He proceeded to call me at about 7 o'clock the next day. He said to me, "So if someone could get tickets to Peter Pan tonight, would you go?"
I said," Are you trying to tell me that you somehow got sold out tickets and you are inviting me to go with you?"
He replied with a resounding,"Yeah".
The night previous, we had discussed my love of the musical Peter Pan, and that I was super bummed that the tickets had all been sold out for the last show that would be the next day.

So of course I would not turn down these miracle tickets, and an opportunity to see my favorite characters on stage.

He quickly showed up at my house, and we jumped over people in the dark to get to our seats just as the show started at 7:30.

The show was great! My face hurt from smiling the entire time.
I am a very nosey soul, so I just HAD to know how he got the tickets. I finally peer pressured the kid to spill the deets (details).
He explained that he held a little piece of paper that said " Need 2 tickets" in front of the door of the theater a half hour before the show started.  A nice man had 2 extras and gave him them.

Well THAT was pretty dang sweet. What a nice kid right?

The next Monday, he texted me in class and asked if I and a friend would like to go to a basketball game that he had a bunch of tickets to. I really wanted to say no.
But I just couldn't. That ultra sick feeling came over me when I thought of turning him down and then having to see him at church again.
My thought process was this: " Ok Cara, go with him, bring a friend, and then the next time he asks you out, you can say that you gave it a shot, but you really just aren't in to him."

Marina agreed to join in the event.

Let's back up for a little detail... When he introduced himself to me originally, he introduced himself as his last name. He had a last name that was also a first name. This left me so very confused. I had to ask people what his name was. Everyone told me his real first name. I still to this day do not know why he kept referring to himself by only his last name.

Let's refer to him here as Last Name Guy.

Last Name Guy showed up to my house to pick Marina and I up for the basketball game. He was late. That was annoying.
We jump in the car, where I assumed there would be another guy. There was not. Then we drove straight to the game. No other guy showed up.
So I asked him, "Didn't you say you had 4 tickets and that a friend was coming?"
He said that they didn't end up getting a 4th ticket.
We were on a Polyga-date!! Precious!
But thank goodness for Marina! She makes life better.

He escorted us to the wrong seats, and we were then promptly asked to move to our really bad seats.
We just moved a little further away... not to our assigned seats. I do not like breaking rules, so this made me feel really awkward.

As the game went on awkward got even more awkward.
First of all, the league we were watching was way worse than even a high school varsity team. Therefore my interest was not peaked to watch the game like at all.

Then he put his arm around me. Yes, Marina was still sitting there next to us.  She turned and looked at my with big eyes. Her eyes were making fun of me. How rude!

The next part was really great. He started saying things in Russian to Marina that his friend had taught him one time.
Marina wouldn't even translate those choice phrases in front of him because they were so very crude. When he left to go to the bathroom and get some sugary treat, she then whispered to me what he was saying.
They were pretty awful. They didn't really make sense though. It was just 2 dirty words thrown together. You would never actually call someone that.
When he sat back down I gave him a disappointed look. He then kept saying more Russian phrases that do not need to be discussed. We told him there were inappropriate, but he kept saying them.
It was almost sing-songy, like if he were a 5 year old running around the play ground singing a new bad word that an older kid had just told him.
I laughed at the fact that he didn't notice that it was even a little bit inappropriate to do that in front of 2 ladies.  Oh my life is sweet!

When we got back to our house, Marina ran into the house a said, "Well I'll just leave you two alone!"
Little brat! Leaving me trapped on the porch. I just thanked him for the invite and retreated however.

This is a good part!
The next day he called Marina. She didn't answer, but he left her a message to please call him back.
Oh Sweet Mercy!
She called him back later that night while I cooked dinner. She went downstairs so that I could not hear any of the conversation.
He was all, "Hey sister, I just want your help with some stuff. Tell me more about Cara. I read her blog and I just don't get her. Tell me what she's into, what kind of guys she does want. How can I get her to date me. Tell me everything about her."
Yeah- creeper town.
Marina is a pretty dang good friend. She told him that I was waaaaay too busy to get involved with anyone. I really just didn't have time for him. Also, she informed him that I was still kind of into someone else. (Which was very true, and I wasn't even mad at her for saying that)  This is where she went wrong though- She told him to just be my friend. If something fun was going on, then he should invite me and if I had time, I would go.
Marina, Marina, Marina, thanks for digging me a little hole!

Well... needless to say, the invitations began. Every single night he was inviting me to some activity or another. I really was way too busy.
I just informed him over, and over, and over again that I was just way too busy and that I seriously could not go out for the rest of the month. You see... I was studying for my dental hygiene board exams. I was maxing out studying every single night. I was not going to make room for this kid and his friends. For some reason, he just did not understand my predicament.

A few weeks later, he invited me to a sports documentary in the city. I said that I might be able to go. I was quite late for an appointment, so I had to scamper off the phone as quickly as possible.

I called and cancelled 2 days later. I just really couldn't tell him I wasn't interested! I know... I am a pretty awful human.

Two days after that, he invited me to a BYU basketball game. It was the last home game of the season, and I had not seen Jimmer Fredette in action yet. ( I, like every other Mormon young lady, had a little secret crush on the poor, talented basketball player.)
Naturally, I said I could go.

A couple days later, he asked if I was still up for going to the rugby game.  Say whataat? I did not agree to go and watch rugby. I agreed to go watch Jimmer.
My sister had also asked me in a panic to be her model for a photo shoot that day.
I was torn.
What should I do???? :
1.Tell him I am not interested and please stop calling?
2. Say I am busy -Again?
3. Tell him I just need to go model?
4. Just go and pretend to have a fun time and sparkle away?

Well this is what went down-
I had decided that I just really did not want to force myself to smile through another date with Last Name  Guy.
I would call him and tell him that I couldn't and wouldn't be going out with him again.
I started out not being as direct as I should have been.
I explained to him- I am moving away. I do not think that it is fair for you to invest anything in me and then not get any return on your investment.
He gave me a - "Dugh, I don't get it".
I explained to him a little more clearly- I do not think it is a good idea for either of us if we go out anymore.
He gave me a "Well, you can still come to the game."
I explained AGAIN- No, no, Last Name Guy, I can't go to the game with you. I am really just not interested in going out with you anymore. You're really nice, but this isn't going anywhere.

He then erupted in anger. He told me that I pretty much sucked and led him on, and that it was really stupid of me to  turn him down. WE WERE BEING FRIENDS!

Oh my, my my. I was told that by being honest and telling a guy the truth that you just aren't interested, it was the best option. Last Name Guy just exploded at me for being honest.
Jerk!
But I do not care. I am the Champion! I conquered my biggest fear. It was a rough road, but I kicked that motha's trash. Oh yes.
This is a brilliant road I just stepped out on.
Look out Lost Boys! You are about to get turned down. (In a very polite and respectful manner.)
Woot! Woot!

Say Whaaaaat??

These are some of the most memorable things that anyone has ever said to me. Yes these are all direct quotes. I have come to truly understand that boys have word vomit/ verbal diarrhea waaaay worse than I do. I thought I had no filter. No, no. I do. Boys don't.
This is just the beginning... I will continue to add things as they return to my mind. 

 

You’re probably really good at the bend and snap.

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I really just want to hold you right now. Is that cool or just too soon?

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Can I hold your hand?

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Have you ever been kissed like this before?

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Can I have a kiss?

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You have perfect teeth and very nice breasts. Your husband will be a very lucky man.

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Do you believe you are cute? Believe it.

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You have the biggest tits ever.

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I dream about you. A LOT!
Me: Like what?
They cannot be repeated.
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You're asking me why I am 30 and single?! That's like me asking you why you have the most perfect and supple breasts in the entire world?!

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Don't you feel that intense attraction between us?

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Do I fit the criteria of your knight in shinning armor?
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I am just sitting here regretting that I missed my opportunity to hold you and kiss you.
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Hey it was nice to see u on Sunday. U always are so sweet and fun to talk to, not to mention so cute. If I was only 25 I would fly to Utah every other weekend to take u out.
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Wanna join in the fun??
Please, please, please help me build this list. The plan is to have quotes like this be the beginning of every chapter in my book. So comment/ share with me and the world the best things that any Lost Boy/Girl has ever said to you!

ps. If you ever said any of this to me. I probably still like you as a person. Don't get offended. Be excited that something you said I will always remember. Also, some of these things weren't even bad. I just remembered... and it probably made me laugh at you a little to your face. And that is really ok!

Lost Boys- defined

I thought that it was time that I defined Lost Boys to the public masses. It is simple really. Lost Boys are the boys that you hate to love and love to hate. They can often be confused with Pirates, however, they are two different species.
Let us list off some characteristics. Lost Boys may be any or all of the following:
Socially retarded
Perverted
Not cute
Completely geeky
Needs to be taken care of
No direction in life
Rude
Stupid
Inappropriate
A Douche-bag
A puppy dog
Dense
Not a good listener 
Follows a leader (probably a dumb one)
Manipulative
or Easily manipulated


* The need to be taken care of is one of the most irritating characteristics. You have a mother right? Let's not regress back to infancy when we are together. You can do that with your own mother during Christmas
 break.
 *Also, I really think that there should be classes to teach all boys the social graces of life. There are just a lot of things that it is not socially acceptable to talk about in front of a lady. Let's not embarrass me in public with your mouth alright?? Thank you.


  Well.... those are the negative character traits. Often times, Lost Boys are masters of the charm! They can make a girl melt like a Popsicle on the Fourth of July if they are THAT kind of a Lost Boy.
         The other ones are not charming. They really are just lost all the time. He'll just stare at you with lost little eyes, wishing you were his Wendy. Lost Boys often see girls as prizes and not as an actual human.
That gets old very quickly.

But Lost Boys are usually really fun! They have souls of adventure! A Lost Boy loves to leave the world behind, run away from being a man, and play games. He loves to have a Wendy hanging around for these games too. Girls make everything more fun. Especially when there is one to hold your hand or cuddle up with during the scary parts of the adventure.
As a Wendy, it can feel so good to have that intense pull at your heart strings when someone needs you around. And Lost Boys LOOOOOVE to have a girl on their arm. It feels even better to a Lost Boy to have a lovely lady with them. This can be a little toxic on both ends. Everyone just wants to feel loved and wanted.
Not to say that Lost Boys don't deserve love. They do! But it is all about timing people and finding the right match! Not all Lost Boys and Wendys are created equal. Chemistry and such have to come into play as well.
Wendy! Keep your pretty little eyes and perfect smile under control, or all the Lost Boys will fall for you!




Beware the eyes and the grin Lost Boys!!!!  They are potent.

Lost Boys are not lost forever though!! There is hope! Wendy takes them home and finds them a real mother. They clean themselves up and become respectable men in British society. (I assume so at least- They were no longer living in the nursery with Wendy at the end of the play.)
They may be a little dirty and rough around the edges. But they can clean up. As a Wendy, you may have to be responsible for getting them on the path of cleaning up and growing up. This is the key though: Wendy didn't do all the work. She just brought them home to a mother and a father. Mothers and fathers clean boys  up and teach them how to be men.




 
Wendy just has to marry one once he is man.
All children grow up but one.
If you are a Lost Boy, do not be lost in the illusion that you will never have to grow up. You will. Especially if you want a hot little woman to stand by your side for the rest of time.










You can protest: No! I Won't Grow Up! You can claim that you made a vow to your Peter (Your Lost Boy, best friend, leader in shenanigans) that you guys would never grow up. You'll never give in to "the man".
Trust me... you will. You'll grow up. And someone will love you for it.
Growing up does not mean that the adventures have to end. No, no. This is when the greatest adventures of your life will truly begin. Wendy wants nothing more than to take care of her man. When he is a grown up and takes care of her... oh she'll definitely take care of you. Mmhmm. That's exactly what I mean.
Because that, my dears, is how grown ups who love each other work. That is a healthy relationship.


Yes, Lost Boys can be very frustrating for a young Wendy. They can make her feel shot down and trapped under ground with them.
But all Lost Boys grow up. And then we will fall in love with them. Just please, don't keep us waiting for too long. Neverland is a hard place to be stuck in for more than a few years. Wendy's can forget who they are if they have been in Neverland too long. And trust me, you do not want a Lost Wendy. They can be a little eccentric, or even a little crazy. 

We have hope for all of us! It takes two to tango ya'll! Wendys will learn to love and care for their men but not baby them, and Lost Boys will grow up to be respectable men!

Let's start today!

Because no one wants to be stuck in Neverland forever!

Follow Me!!!!!!

Please become a follower.... that way I know who is reading, and then I don't have to make this private!

Word Gets Out

Sometimes, the word gets out about my blog. A guy I might go out with will either find the link to my blog on my facebook, stumble in on me while I happen to be writing for it, or I might just mention it and then he'll look it up. Which ever the situation (they have all happened) the young man will always ask a lot of questions. He just seems to want to know everything about the individual that I have exploited through my words. He often asks questions that I really am not comfortable answering. (If I wanted just anyone to know that piece of info... then it would have been put in the story in the first place.)
The best part about going out with guys that have read my blog, is that they try to psychoanalyze me through my creative writing skills.
I love this!
He always seems to think that because he read a couple humorous stories from my escapades, that he knows me; that my personality is crystal clear and that I can be read just like my blog. (Don't talk to me like you knoooooow me!) *sassy voice*


Hehehehehehe (sneeky laugh)
The fun part is that I am so very complex. Oh and I am a decent actress. Actually I am pretty amazing at it.... not to toot my own horn.


Case and point: Once upon a time, there was a boy that I adored. I went to a party with him. He chose to talk to his long lost friends upon arrival. Oh I was not upset at all. I completely understand and I can take care of myself.
Moments later.... there was a commotion. Another short young man struck up a lively conversation about Arizona and dental school with me. I smiled. Oh how I smiled. I carried this dull conversation on for about 15 minutes.
Then... tada! Another young man seized an opportunity to jump into the conversation! I had actually run into this particular young man the night before at work. Ironic!
He struck up a similar conversation about my education and all my goals! (Smooth right? Get me talking about myself and pretend to be engrossed in the magic of my voice!) However, I noticed that every 10.4 seconds, he focused his energy at staring at my chest for a second before reverting back to eye contact.
Not awkward. (sarcasm) Nope not at all. (Actually, I have become aware that almost all males cannot have a conversation with me without looking down. And no... turtle neck sweaters do not make a difference. I have accepted that it will happen and I will not get become enraged or judge him too harshly.)

I then turned the conversation to him and got him to talk about himself a little (I was sick of hearing my own voice). When there wasn't much more to say, the new young man asked if I was dating the friend I had come with.
Well... no indeed was not dating this boy.
So he asked if he could take me out sometime and got my number.
I was hesitant. And I could hear it in my voice.
But he was a nice kid. I just wasn't really interested.

When I could walk back over to my "adored" friend, I told him that I couldn't believe he left me standing there for so long. His reply- "You looked like you were having fun."  Hahahahhahaha..... oh oh oh. ***** Point made****
I can smile my way through any situation. My eyes just do that sparkling thing!!!!
He asked if that boy was a lost boy. I told him no- I just wasn't interested.
And then I blamed him for letting me get asked out because he left me standing there. Then I fake punched him in the stomach. Childish behavior- yes. But who cares?

Anyways... point made. I was not having fun.. I was just being polite and filling in space since I was standing alone. I am just a really great pretender.

It is an art-form really. Or I will just keep telling myself that since I do it all the time and I am getting really great at it.
But the thoughts were these:
-This kid is nice
-I still need to be dating (even though I kinda almost hate it)
-There are more experiences to be had and personalities and characteristic to be met.
-He may never call
-Be polite Cara


Yes be polite Cara. Always polite...

Dear boys... all boys (especially the ones that aren't lost)
Please do not be afraid of me even though I am a master of disguise. Don't let my outrageous experiences, my sparkling eyes, my ginormous smile, my award winning acting skills, nor my life dreams intimidate you.
Plus also.... please do not try to analyze me through my rantings.
The stories are true, but sometimes the energy displayed in the words is far more intense that I might actually present on the outside. You might be learning somethings from reading about my experience, but don't think you know who I am from them.
Just learn that it is not ok to kiss girls while they are asleep on the couch especially after she told you you were just friends; keep first dates short; never make fun of her hair- especially when it is your fault it is wet; and just don't ever ask a girl if she is a prostitute. Those are just real social faux pas.

Here is some more truth:
I am exaggerating a little bit about my acting. I do actually enjoy having conversations with people. I love meeting new people and I do actually get excited about topics and stories people tell me. I am still a genuine person. And once you get to know me... you will really know when my eyes are sparkling at you because I am  in love with the moment I am sharing with you, or if they are just sparkling out of polite behaviors. It's ok to take a chance on me to find out.

This is how you should get to know me:
-ask me on a real date (fully planned but not too intense)
-ask me lots of questions
-tell me about yourself and watch my face carefully for my reactions
-*try to make me laugh (A real laugh. My ugly laugh.) It will tell you a lot about me.*
- ask me to include you in on something special in my life (If I let you spend time with my family- it's kind of a big deal)
-try to create a story that wouldn't end up here
-let me do something for you. (If I actively do something for someone... I am interested and yeah it's kind of a big deal)
-actively try to spend time with me. (my first love language attribute is time- so spend a little time with me)

My blog does not define me. Wendy does not define me.
Let me define me.

18 hour date guy- reposted

 This is a repost (back by popular demand!) - This is the first story I told and I wanted people to not have to search for it so hard

To start this story out... you must know... that I am a Wendy. My whole life I have attracted only lost boys. You know.. the boys that just haven't figured it out and just want someone to take care of them... that someone seems to always be me. Being a Wendy also means that I am just way too nice. I smile too big and my eyes just seem to twinkle all on their own. I'm enchanting... and I just haven't figured out how to say no.

Here's the real story of a girl gone nice.
It started out with a call from a cute new boy in my ward inviting me to dinner at someone's house. So of course I booked it over there and brought my big sister along with me.

When I get there, the cutie patootie wasn't even talking to me. I couldn't really worry about it because this other guy followed me around the whole time. Picture this: he was wearing one of those "clubbin" dress shirts- you know the kind... the one with the swirly design that starts on the pocket and wraps over the shoulder and down the back. Unfortunately, this shirt was probably two sizes too small for this young man.
Despite the fact that I was completely distracted by the swirling effect of his shirt, I smiled and carried on the conversation, even when he kept asking me to go downstairs and watch a movie with him.
My sister needed to go home and cutie patootie left... so I made my exit.
I made it 3 feet from the door when shirt guy burst through the door and yelled my name. My sister took off to the car and left me there. Just a helpless Wendy.
He says," HEY CARAAAAA!!! Can I like, get your number so that maybe we can hangout sometime"?
In true Wendy fashion, I said, "Yeah suuure". I figured he wouldn't ever even call.

Little did I know, he was already making a plan. He texted me 5 minutes later to say "Hey.. It was totally awesome to meet you". Less than 42 hours later, I got THE TEXT.
"Hey a bunch of friends and I are going to the hot springs on Saturday. Do you want to come?"

I agonized over this. I had a rehearsal that day and a friend had invited me to drive home to Arizona too. But I also hadn't gotten to know ANYONE since moving to Provo.
I figured...Hey if it's a big group then I am bound to meet some cool people there.

He picked me up at 6:30 ...IN THE A.M ....
We met up for breakfast with ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE who were going with us... the other TWO PEOPLE!!!! So the big group I had planned on, turned out to be just a double. As we were eating breakfast I discovered that there was a hair through my whole pancake. I tried to eat around it and not be rude. As you can imagine, I didn't eat very much.
As we drove to our destination, I was enlightened. This is HIS story...."So When I was visiting your ward on Sunday, I totally looked up at you leading the music and I thought... WOW THAT IS A REAL WOMAN! (yes those were his exact words, 5 inches from my face) So I totally asked everyone at dinner if they had your number. Cutie Patootie said he did, so I had him call and invite you."
That is the moment that I felt waaaaay dumb for being so excited that Cutie Patootie called me. Plus also, I felt like a piece of meat.

Hiking the 2-3 miles up to the hot springs in the snow, the other couple decided to make-out the entire way there. They also decided to make comments like..."YOU guys should totally try this".
I had known shirt guy for a total of maybe 20 minutes. He kept calling me the wrong name.
My reaction to these comments... Ew.

We finally made it to the hot springs at the very top. There we were... the 4 of us sitting in sulfur water half naked- on a first date. I felt like a piece of meat again.
We were there for several hours. Enough for me to think that I would never become un-pruney again. It was pretty uneventful except for the frequent "you are sitting waaaay too close to me", and "please get your hand away from my knee" thoughts.

There was a lot of friendly conversation on the hike back down. Innocent enough.... Slightly uncomfortable because he liked to talk about his "tough times", "rebellious years" and "being offended by his ward" stories.
I tried to make his confessions less awkward, so I told him about the one time when I was 18 when I thought about getting a tattoo (for like 10 minutes).

On the car ride back he said he had really great Jazz seat tickets and asked if I would go with him. Again... in true Wendy fashion I forced a smile said, "Suuuure. That sounds like fun"
He was totally stoked about my acceptance.
He proceeded to ask me if I liked pick up lines. I do think that said by the right person and in the right situation, they can be quite entertaining. This I told him.

He dropped me off at my apartment and said he'd be back in 20 minutes.
I jumped into the shower as fast as a I could.
He was early.
He said he'd rather wait for me at my apartment than sit around at his friend's and wait.

The conversation on the way up to Salt Lake consisted of dieting talk, carbohydrate intake, more rebellious times..... and my family. oh baby oh baby. So interesting.
When we got to the game, he was trying really hard to make it a super cool thing.
Apparently, he works there, so he introduced me to all the people he works with. I probably got asked "What is a pretty thing like you doing with THIS guy?" at least 20 times.
I just smiled and let my eyes twinkle.

During the game he was really really loud. People kept turning around giving us looks. I was slightly uncomfortable.
Then it started.....
He said, "Weird, my knee is twitching. Do you feel that?"
I put a finger to his knee and said, "No", very confused.
He said, "Neither do I," and grabbed my hand.

I screamed like that in my head

It took me a good 3 seconds to figure out that it was supposed to be one of those "funny pick up lines". I forced out a laugh and said, "ooooh wooow, that was waaaay smooth. you totally got me!" Then I quickly pulled out my hand and clapped for a miracle basket!

The game finally ended. He said he needed to stop by his house in Sandy to pick up some church clothes, since he was going to go to my church tomorrow instead of his.
As we pulled up he asked, " So have you taken any really fun classes before, just for fun?" I said no because I just always took only the classes I had to take.
He tells me that he took an astronomy class that he really liked.

He said,"Get out of the car, I want to show you something".(AHHHH)
So I get out (AHHHHHHHHHHHH). He stands behind me and points me towards Orion's belt.

He says, "This is Orion's belt. (yeah I'm not dumb) But Orion's belt is part of his whole body. This is his head, these are his legs, and THESE ARE HIS ARMS, AND THEY WRAP AROUND THE BELT." At that intense moment, he wrapped his arms around my waist and put his head on my shoulder and whispered those last fateful words into my ear.

I cringed and screamed inside my head.
Again, I forced a laugh out and told him how smooth he was while I wiggled out of his grasp. He kept very close to me as he told me he'd be right back.
I jumped into the car and frantically texted my best guy friend from home for advice on how to get out! He freaked out at me for being so nice and told me to tell Star Guy that I was really tired.

When we were almost back to my apartment, he told me that the guy from the earlier part of the date wanted us to come and watch a movie at his place. I informed him that I was just pretty darn tired. He quickly began to explain that the guy only lives across the street from me and I don't have to watch the whole thing, and he promises to take me home the second I start to fall asleep.
Trapped in my Wendy condition, I agreed AGAIN. I figured I could get away in like under a half hour.

Inside the house I am surrounded by 4 boys. One of the others scooted too close and started a little flirt talk.

I scooted away, and found myself too close to Star Guy. He kept scooting closer and leaning in even closer than the scooting would allow.
I started out sitting in a comfortable position, but change to the Universal Rejection Position" of my arms folded into my armpits and hands deep inside the sleeves of my sweater. At least I THOUGHT it was universal.

Instead he thought I was cold. He asked me if I was 5 times and then leaned in closer, as if to give me his body heat.

Meanwhile, my bangs had fallen into my eyes. I began to release my sweater held hand from my armpit grasp to swipe away the fallen bangs. My hand made it only half way to my face when it was snatched from the air and pasted to my thigh, strangled by an outside death grip.
My hand still remained inside the protection of my dear sweater (best 40-something dollars I ever spent) except for the tips of my 3 longest fingers. I panicked for a moment, then calmed myself because the situation couldn't get worse. It would all be over soon.

He wouldn't let go. The thumb caressing started, and so did the primary songs in my head.
He started leaning forward to the coffee table in front of us a million times trying to reach his cell phone. He took my whole body with him in this effort not to let go of my hand. (I think I still have a little whiplash).

He started texting on his phone with his free hand.
I thought to myself... "If he texts my phone something, I will freakout!"

He didn't.
He decided to simply just hand me his phone. I carefully leaned over to read the message. (I hope you are sitting right now). This is what it said (seriously):


"Straight up, I really just want to hold you right now. Is that cool or just too soon?"

I am not sure the exact time it took me to stop the heavy dry heaving and then the flow of throwing up inside my mouth, but I finally was able to answer, "Yeah, it's definitely too soon". (Not going to lie, I think I even had forgotten his name around that time. I wasn't about to let a guy I didn't knows name HOLD ME!)

He chose to lay his head on my shoulder instead.

By some grace, there was a funny moment in the movie and I threw my hands up in the air at the humor. My fingers were FREE!!
About that time, I got a text from my roommate:
"Cara! Where are you?! We haven't seen you all day! Are you ok? Do you need an out??!?!?!"
I said,"No I'm fine. I think that I can make my exit in a minute!"

I looked at the time. 2:00... A.M.

My arms returned quickly to their armpit home. He turned and stared at my hidden hands.
A couple minutes later, I forced some yawns out and said I thought it was definitely time for me to go to bed.
He begrudgingly got up and we walked out to his car, and he drove me across the street.
He said, "So I like totally had an awesome time with you today..... and I'd.... Like totally like to take you out again."

I replied,"Oh yeah it was a fun, long day. Well just so you know, I'm going to be really busy for the next few weeks because of the play that I am in."

"Oh yeah, totally. I am going to be pretty busy too."

He walked me to my door. I hugged him quickly in order to not invite anymore touching and lingering.

Once I thought he was out of earshot, I screamed. My roommates were still awake waiting to comfort me.
Thank goodness for roommates!
The clock read 2:23 A.M.

Just shy of 18 hours.
The marathon date.

A few days later. He posted pictures on facebook of his 3 year old daughter.
18 hours.... That is like 3 or 4 dates. You would think that something like that would come up.

I'm 20 years old Mister. I ain't bein no baby mama.

 

Chikyle

And then there was Chikyle...

I  have this issue with attracting people from Sandy, Utah. Boys from Sandy seem to be a strange strain of human, who just don’t quite get it. (Well at least the ones that I meet.)

I actually met Chikyle the exact same night that I met 18 Hour Date Guy. Ironic, right?

Chikyle wasn’t very nice to me that night. As I was following Cutie Patootie around and looking at his hot motorcycle, Chikyle kept making jokes that alluded to him thinking that I was dumb or something. I really do not appreciate it when people treat me as if my hair color or the pitch of my voice reduce my IQ to a low functioning number. I will probably be very sarcastic back to you, or even throw down a slightly rude comment- so slight and dripping so thick with sarcasm, that you don’t even know that I am making fun of you.

          Clearly, the rest of that evening was monopolized by 18 Hour Date Guy’s pursuits after me. However, I met Chikyle again. And again.

The Sunday following THE 18 HOUR DATE, I had a really rough day. I was damaged to my core from the night before, and the rest of that day did nothing but aggravate my unstable state. As I walked down the steps at church after leading the music to the congregation, I was approached by 4 old men- the ecclesiastical leaders of my area. Each of them said almost the exact same thing so me, “Thank you so much for leading the music. Did you know that you have the most beautiful, perfect smile? You are just gorgeous- You really just glow up there!”

My reply: “Thank you. Yes I have heard that before.”

I know… I probably sounded a little full of myself, but I really didn’t know what to say to all of them over and over again. I felt very uncomfortable and even a little ill.I felt like I needed to hide and not be stared at for a second longer.

About 18 steps later, a boy jumps in front of me and asks, “So when are we going to make cookies together?” I really didn’t know who he was, nor did I know when I agreed to bake with him.

So I asked, “When did I agree to make cookies with you?”

He proceeded to explain that one time we talked for a second and he mentioned that I should make cookies and deliver them to manufacture opportunities to meet more people.

I scheduled a time with him for a couple days later in order to escape the close proximity of our bodies.

I made it about 20 more steps to the doorway of the meeting room, and then there was Chikyle. He stopped me, said hi, and struck up a casual conversation. One of my roommates had been following me through my walk and had thankfully stopped for this conversation.

I, naturally, was oh so charming and I just sparkled away. He followed me to my little Sunday school class and sat down next to me.

At one point, I pulled my cell phone from my pocket to replay from a text. As I started to put it away, he snatched it from my grasp and pulled the whole, “call myself from your phone so that I can get your number and not have to be a man and ask for it.”

          He preceded to text me throughout the class, even though he was sitting so close to me that all of our limbs were touching. The type of text messages that I was receiving went something like this: “Oh my gosh you are so gorgeous. Did you know that? Thanks for sitting by me. Wow you are so funny. What are you doing later? I want to take a cutie thing like you out sometime. I wish I was with you right now. This would be way more interesting if you were here and teaching.  Hey… babe, hun, cutie, sweetie…” These distasteful purging of all icky-ness went on throughout the day. Plus also… I hate being called pet names by people who I don't love. I am not your baby, your sweetie, and I am most definitely not your love. I just puked in my mouth a little.

          I had a huge melt down. I got home from church and I started to cry- a lot.  My roommates worried about my mental health as I sat on the kitchen counter and had a panic attack.

          I called my mom and all she did was laugh at me. I filled her in on the night before with 18 Hour Date Guy, and then this day full of old men and lost boys.

I told her that I didn’t understand why I was attracting these kinds of people and that kind of negative attention. I explained that I had been praying to be led to people that would make me a better person and who would build me up etc.

She just burst out into uncontrollable, rolling laughter. Then she spit out these fateful words through her gasping laughter, “Maybe that is why you are meeting these lost boys. Maybe they are making you a better person?”  Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

I cried even harder and yelled a nice, big, “Oh my gosh mom! Shut up! That was so mean. I can’t believe you just said that to me! I. Hate. My. Life! This isn’t a joke!”

          She laughed harder, but tried to force out a fake apology.

           I blamed her for my life. She branded me with the label of Wendy and bred me to believe that I had to always say yes to a first date and be lovely all the time!

She felt no remorse.

       Chikyle did not disappear from my life even though I declined an invitation to go and play games with him and his hipster friends that night. It was progress though people. I didn’t go even though “the nice thing” would have been to just go and play a little game.

      A few days later, I got a text from Chikyle asking me what I was up to. I told him the truth- My friend Brittani was coming over and we were going to jump in the hot tub and vent about life.

    He mentioned that he might stop by my apartment and say hi. I just said ok, thinking Brittani and I wouldn’t even be there and I could easily get rid of him if he did show up. Brittani rolled in and it started to snow. We sat in my apartment and chatted, while we contemplated going in the hot tub even though it was snowing in April. I kept getting texts from Chikyle. He was confusing me with his comments. I thought he lived pretty close me and he might just drive on over and poke his head in.

Around ten that night he mentioned that the bus was just about to pull up to the stop near my neighborhood. BUS?!?!? I then asked where he was coming from. Sandy. At that point I didn’t know he was from Sandy. 18 Hour Date Guy was from Sandy and so were all his creepy little friends who made me feel like I needed to wear more clothing.

I had a panic attack again. Brittani watched as I ran around mumbling loudly, “Oh no! Sandy!  Crap! He took a bus from Sandy? Ah! It is already so late. How do I get rid of a guy quickly who took a us from Sandy and it is snowing outside?”

   Brittani laughed at me a lot, but provided a needed support when Chikyle finally burst through my door.  Brittani stayed by my side on the couch for about an hour or so. She was also charming and nice and helped me facilitate conversation. We had made a plan that I would simply say to him, “Hey I have a bunch of stuff to do. Thanks for stopping by- I’ll see you again sometime.”

I realized that I had a serious problem. I simply can’t tell people to “get the heck out of my house”, or “Thanks, but no thanks. I really am not interested.”

Brittani was sick of watching me suffocate myself with the situation. She made her escape. I walked her out to her car and she gave me a quick pep talk. She is very supportive. I was just going to march in there and kick him out.

So I marched. And then I…. sat down and talked. However, I didn’t give up on my mission quite yet! I gave it another 10 minutes, threw out a little yawn, and told him that I was super tired and I had a few things to do before I needed to go to bed. I had a patient at 8 A.M. you know!

He kept talking… and talking… and talking. And then he would try to tickle me. Yes.

And that is where he crossed the line. Don’t tickle me. I get violent and lose control over my limbs. I think I warned him that if he didn’t stop, he would get hurt. (I had head-butted a friend once on accident while being tickled.- If he got head-butted that night- it wouldn’t have been an accident.)  

     He made a comment of something like, “So you are trying to kick me out egh? Well I am not leaving yet. I just got here, and I don’t want to go over to my friends’ house. I would WAAAAY rather be here with you.”

Oh now… isn’t THAT flattering?! (puke)

          I don’t remember all of the conversation the rest of that night, but I do remember my facial expressions. Facial expressions like that get burned into your muscle memory and you never forget. These expressions were those of pure shock, discomfort, and abhorrence.

However, one of the topics that was discussed was that he didn’t go on a mission. He was shipped out to Utah to live with his sister so that he could get out of trouble, move out of his rebellious stage, and clean up his life.

         Really? Why on earth do boys feel like they need to tell me how messed up they are? I really don’t want your dysfunction dripping onto my couch. Wipe that up before it makes a mess in my life.

        My roommates kept a close eye on me and would sit down every once in awhile in order to not leave me feeling abandoned. At midnight, they gave me “the eyes”. The ones that say, “girl, get him the heck out of here. We hate him. Do you want me to cut him for you? Even if you don’t, I am going to anyways, because I want him gone that badly.”

You know… “THE eyes”. 

So I did it. I pulled all my guts to the surface and I said it, “Ok Chikyle, get out of my apartment. You really need to go now.” (Of course I said it in the sweetest possible way.)

He whined with a, “Are you serious? Oh come on! We are having so much fun babe!”

Ummm…. No.

“Nope, Chikyle. Seriously, it’s time to scram.”

He packed up his backpack with his life in stow, and I pushed him out the door.

      Luckily, I never let Chikyle back into my house or even saw him in that kind of social situation again.

         However, to this day, I still get random texts from Chikyle asking, “Hey babe. How you doin’?”

         Oh Chikyle! Get yourself a Tiger Lily or something.

Lost Girl / Shot down Wendy Bird

(A Bipolar ranting from several different episodes in my life)

So this Wendy is going to take some convincing.

 Falling in love is going to be hard to do I think. I have just had so many awful experiences and then some averages. I may have been in love before or even just been very excited about the possibility… but it has always ended in a little broken heart. Then my heart mends to a tougher state.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a bitter ol’ maid yet. My heart is not a heart of steel. I think I have gone from jello to a hard candy shell. It can be melted.

But… what is it going to take?

I have actually been dating quite a bit lately. More than ever before in my life as matter of fact , and so far, I have not been all that impressed. I haven’t had any overwhelming feelings of “I have to see him again”. 

I have had the thought. “He was cool. I’d see him again if he asked.”

And I haven’t been too upset if they don’t call.

But a reality has set in, that love isn’t easy. I thought that once I found someone who wasn’t lost, I would be set and I would know it right away. Sounds easy, right? However, I have been surrounded by so many lost boys that I find myself a little lost in their world.

I don’t care about being committed

I would rather not see most boys again after kissing them.

I like having freedom to be whomever I want to whenever I want to.

So when I am getting called baby and love, all I want to do is puke in my mouth and run away,

Not so healthy for a 21 year old Mormon girl.

Pretty soon, the mother mafia is going to be after me. There will be too many questions about when I am going to finally get married or since I am not married, when am I going on a mission?

Ladies… not everyone has to go on a mission if she is 21 and not married.

I think that today I am a lost girl.

How could I have avoided this? It seems almost like a fate that karma has slapped me in the face with. I have been slapped in the face with a big slimy karma fish.  But really, I put myself in this position. I wanted to be here. Free and independent with the wild side I never had. Why am I becoming less mature as my life is steadily progressing? It is probably fear; a fear of the unknown and the feelings that I possibly missed out on some grand adventure that I was supposed to have in college.

But hey, why not think like Peter?.... “To die would be an awfully big adventure”. But to “Live is an awfully big adventure” too! (Hook)

Why not make everything my new awfully big adventure?

I could do that.

I had taken a lot of personality type quizzes lately. One of them said that I am probably too optimistic. Being too optimistic can hinder your ability to use critical thinking and to problem solve.

Excuse me?!

I don’t think so. Optimism makes you burst from the cages in your mind.

That’s what I think.

I am a great problem solver.  (Ask my old roommates… I fixed a lot of tires, and mended some broken hearts and got us out of icky situations.)

The Wendy Bird wasn’t really shot down. She just got stunned for a little bit. She was sleepy. (Maybe she had mono?)  She may have felt a little lost sometimes, but she never really was. She knew where home was and she knew how to take care of herself and the people she loved.

She loved her brothers. And she loved the lost boys… like little brothers.

And she took them home with her and let her mom be their mother. Then she grew up. She left Neverland, and never went back. She left the nursery; she got married and had her own daughter. She let her own daughter go to Neverland and make her own life choices; which is what I will do.

We all need moments where we choose not to grow up; when we play pretend for just a little bit. It’s fun. But then we remember… it’s not real. We have to put down the toys, get some pixie-dust, high-tail it out of Neverland, book it from the nursery and decide that living is going to be our next awfully big adventure. When we decide that, no pirates can stand in our way; no other lost boys, no Tinker Bell, and no Tiger Lily.

It’s us, the real world, and another grown, up setting off into the awfully big adventure of life together; conquering any real life crocodiles in our way.

THAT is the real adventure; not the silly games, nor the dangerous feats!

This Wendy Bird just woke up… so I am flying away from the little house my lost boys have built around me, with the label on the front door. I am ready to start committing!

I am not your Wendy.

I don’t even need magic to get out of Neverland. I just need to open my eyes, open my own door, and leap.

My story is definitely not over.  There are many more stories to be told. There are so many characters that you have not met, and you have not yet seen Neverland. So don’t you fret. You’ll see it all.

Plus also… To really live is my next awfully big adventure.

Dear lost girls/ Shot down Wendy Birds and/or Tiger Lilies and Tinker Bells,

Wake up. Open your labeled door. And get out of Neverland.

There is a grown up waiting for you at home.

Dear lost boys/ Pirates/ Peter’s,

Please grow up. Follow your Wendy out of Neverland. She has magic enough to help you a little too. If you won’t leave… then let her go. Her daughter might just come back later and maybe then you’ll be ready. But you’ll probably even meet her granddaughter if you aren’t ready now. But right now, there are some awfully big adventures going on in the real world. You don’t have to let Neverland define you either.

Xoxox,

Your (flying)Wendy Bird

Eyes Up Here

Meet Marvin Marshalls. Marvin Marshalls is another boy whose eye I got caught in at church. (Yes I do know that the saying is “whose eye I caught”, but that is not what actually happened.)

It all started out because I was nice. Marvin Marshalls had come to visit a friend at our singles group at church. We also happened to have a dinner after church that day. In the line for food, I struck up a small, polite conversation. I asked him his name, if he was new, where he was from. You know… all the same old questions.  He had just returned from a 2 year church mission from India, and was definitely still socially stunted. However, he conversed with me with great energy and excitement! I ended the conversation with a smile and an eye twinkle (my signature).

            I sat down with my best girl friend to eat. Marvin Marshalls sat down with his guy friend. About 5 minutes later, he got up, brought his plate, and sat down next to me. I knew at that moment that I had just gotten myself into a little bit of a predicament. I still continued to smile and be nice throughout the meal, even though he decided to stare at me when he thought I wasn’t looking.

            Exactly one month later, he showed back up at church on the Sunday dinner day. When he saw me, he decided he wanted to give me a hug. I don’t think that he had hugged a girl in way over two years, because the hug felt more like a truck hit me. A was probably a hundred pounds heavier than me and 6 or more inches taller than me, so when he chest ran into me at a more than casual walking speed and his arms flailed and slammed me in the back, I did not feel very good afterwords.

            I replied to his hug with an “Oh wow that was aggressive”. It popped out of my mouth like word vomit, but he just blushed and said that it had been awhile since he’d hugged a girl. To recover from my lack of tact, I said, “Yeah, that’s one of those things you have to get more practice in once it has been awhile.” I don’t think I recovered well.

            He proceeded to follow me around the building, to my table and to watch me eat for the rest of that evening.  Just as I was getting up to go home and make my escape, he quickly stood up in front of me. SIDE NOTE: A member of the church was sponsoring a BBQ date night for everyone a month in the future.

He stumbled through his words, “So Cara, are you going to the BBQ?”

I replied, “Umm, well, no I am not.”

Marvin: “Well are you opposed to uh going to it? Or are you like busy, is that why you aren’t going?”

Me: “No…Marvin, are you trying to ask me if I would like to go to it? Are you trying to ask me on a date?”

Marvin: “Umm yeah. Would you like to go to the BBQ with me?”

Me: “Yeah Marvin, I would like to go with you. You definitely asked far enough in advance, so I should be able to make that work.”

(It is really hard to convey, but this whole dialogue was really awkward. I should have probably said no, but my mother always said that I needed to say yes to a first date. “Always give someone a chance”. Also, there were about 15 people who were very aware that he was trying to ask me on a date. The room was silent and 30 eyes were on us. Very uncomfortable.)

Throughout the rest of the month as we anxiously a waited the night of this glorious date, his friends teased me about going out with him (great friends huh?) and I continued to receive truck hugs in the hallways of church.

            The night finally arrived! He picked me up for the date in his little sister’s car very early. He started driving and asked me where the date was to be held. I had never been there and I had told him that several times before. He failed to get directions even though I told him to do so previously. I started out this date in an annoyed state. We drove to his friend’s house and found a couple that was also on their way to the date and we followed them.

            I was so feeling that I did not want to be with him any longer. One reason was because I had a very big midterm the next day, which I was not yet prepared to take.  (I would use this to my advantage later however.)

Luckily, my girl friends showed up to the house a few minutes after we did. However, while I waited, I was faced with a situation I had never before been in, or at least I had never before noticed.

            Marvin Marshalls was staring at my chest. I was modestly dressed, but felt like I needed to pull my tank top up to become a turtleneck. This is the first time in my life that I felt like an object or a piece of meat. I am sure that a guy has looked, but this guy was having a conversation with my cleavage.  I was sitting higher than him, so in order to bring our eyes on the same plane, I moved from the arm of the couch down to the seat.  It didn’t help.

I tried very hard to not get even more upset with this individual and to make anyone else uncomfortable. I made it through the dinner and through the game in a stellar fashion.

However, during some mingling, my best friend leaned over and whispered in my ear that Sammity Spamitty was staring at my chest the entire night. With wide eyes I turned to find, that yes, indeed, he was staring. I got a little upset and told her that Marvin Marshalls had also been staring. I asked her if my shirt was a lot lower than I perceived it. She said that I was totally fine.

Well Grrrrr!!! Stop staring at me!!

Meanwhile during conversation, I found out that this was Marvin Marshalls first date. Not his first date since being back from India…his first date EVER. He was 22 years old. This explained the weird comments, the painful hugs and icky looks. But I mean really, that is just ridiculous. TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD… you should have at least gone to a school dance or an ice cream date in high school. This behavior is just unacceptable. When I have kids, they will be required to go on dates so that they can become socialized.

Everyone else seemed to be dispersing from the house, but Marvin Marshalls was lingering. He asked if I wanted to go do something else fun. This is where my test came in handy. I had previously mentioned that I had a test in the morning, so when he asked if I wanted to go out and do something more, I was able to say, “Oh you know, I really need to go home and study a bit and get to bed earlier since I have that big midterm SOOOO early.”

Luckily, he said he understood. And I got to go home. At the door, I gave him a side hug, since my ribs were bruised from our greeting.

Future lost boys… Eyes up here please! 

.... I am sick of hearing: " You have perfect teeth and breasts.", "You have the biggest boobs ever." "Your husband will be a lucky man". "Did you know your tits are huge?" 

Yeah... I know. So please, eyes up here. I am not meat.